Category Archives: love

Growing in Faith

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“Bloom where you are planted”

One of the challenges I am finding daily is controlling the negative thoughts. Telling myself that these things I think sometimes are not helpful and pitiful. Exercising control over them. This is so much easier when everything is going my way. When all the colors of the rainbow are reflected in the prisms of the home and dance on the walls. When life is beautiful and our family whole.

Nights that sleep is hard to find are another story. I can’t believe I actually miss someone’s laundry, but I do.

Some days I think of the time left until homecoming and get down. And that is okay.

What to do with the days and hours between where I am and where I want to be? Reunited as a family, healthy and whole.

Pray. Lots and lots of prayer carries me through those nights of self-pity. The days I am carried by a devotion to live each day with purpose. Not letting them slip by without consideration for what I am trading for today.

It would be a shame to have someone I love so much sacrifice so many of his days with his family and not live them well. Honoring his service to our country by growing in faith and function are my choice. Even here alone on this hill with little rain and a hard wind this seed can poke through the soil as a new person. That new life found by the inspiration of watching him toil. Giving thanks for all that he is doing by simply “blooming”. Everyday pushing through the soil further.

So that when he returns he doesn’t find a wilted mess but something beautiful made better by our time apart. Not worse for the wear but more wonderful because of the experience.

Fellow military wives, or anyone facing heartache, breathe in and out and just grow where you are today. God knows it is probably not where you want to grow or where you flower best naturally but meet the challenge and show what strength lives in you. Trust that God has brought you here to show you how to get through. Maybe to show you to help other get through. When the days get too hard and you feel down shake off the dirt and just bloom.

Here we are…

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A few short weeks from delivery of our second little one and my excitement is finally rising. I have been excited but there is something about having child number two that puts family in perspective. My family. No longer are we a small group floating along we will be an even number. As many dependents as adults will reside in this home. It is sobering.

I can’t recall how many days out of the week my twenty something self feels like an adult, a functioning adult, but today is one. I look around at the home I reside in and am overwhelmed with the journey here. So many memories floating back. And it is good. Life is good. God is good.

The early years

The once fun man cave has been turned into a nursery complete with diaper genie. That will send you a wake up alone. Only an adults house has a diaper genie. Only a responsible home keeper thinks of diaper disposal. Where have the days gone?

And with the passing of more time we are closer to separation once again. Duty calls. I am so grateful to have an uplifting partner that knows the power of his words. Everyday a new affirmation of our life together. A new piece of love to keep me plowing on, down this unknown road. He is beautiful in that way.

I see friends struggle with the coming time apart. Spouses that have given their fair share of strength to the role of military wife shaken at the promise of another time apart. I have no words for them only faith. Faith that is growing with every dark thought swept aside and every reassuring word. In all things He is there. In all things He remains faithful.

Our newest addition!

A Great Discovery

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So in the midst of my sleep deprived state I welcomed such great excitement into our home. We are projected to have a GIRL! I never envisioned myself a mother of a girl. Always one to veer closer to the male dominated activities and further from the female as I get older. I hope to teach our love for camping, the outdoors and pursing many a museums as we broaden our horizons together.

Life is an ever changing lesson. Just when you feel you have read all the pages there comes a pop quiz.

So now to set our sites on making this home baby girl friendly. We already live in a sea of jungle animals and building blocks. Girls like those things right?

Five Final Things I Will Take From Nursing

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It has been 13 months that started with a beautiful baby struggling to nurse in the NICU. My Sweets was born with an elevated white blood count and was kept seven long days in the hospital. He thrived on antibiotics and the feedings of newborn formula. I thought my great plans of nursing would never take form due to our rocky start. Once my milk arrived we bonded and he never again wanted anything but Mama milk. Read about our start here.

The nursing relationship is so hard to explain to someone who has never been a part of it. The sweet quiet and hour long cuddling as my body actually creates food for my child. Even now on the occasional chance that he needs comfort to drift to sleep I savor the moments. Never were they easy. Nursing is hard and time consuming but we made it to our goal!

I haven’t feed him from me once today and believe this marks the end of this special amazing relationship we have had. It will evolve into something else but this beginning, this time together has been one of the most defining of my life.

So many things I learned of myself while feeding my son. That I didn’t need that much sleep to survive, that my patience could be ten fold when he needs me…that I would one day cry at this little bit of letting go.

1. It is about quality and quantity. Many hours passed when he just would not let go and needed comfort. Teething hours, sick hours or new home hours and that was fine because I will never get them back. Savor the time, even on the days it becomes unending. It does eventually end.

2. Babies become adults. I like to think the sweet times between Mother and son or Mother and daughter in the beginning will wholly impact their ability to recognize sweet moments in the future. The days my little one nursed away while pressing in my neck freckles and laughing may have tilted his heart toward showing greater love to others.

3. Showing makes more loved. The giggles and laughter of catching his hand as he reached for my nose or the quick end to sobs reminded me of a Mother’s position. Just as God does for us we are to love before being loved. We are to set the standard for all things in that regard. Make it a good lesson.

4. There are only so many babies. We never know how many children we will be blessed with enjoy the ones you have now. Be an in the moment Mom or Dad.

5. Not all lessons in life are pain free. The good Lord knew what he was doing as He created each and every relationship and as I let go a little bit He is gently reminding me of how fleeting life is, how quickly it all goes. Daddy’s deployment day is approaching, the new baby will be arriving and a new season comes. Nothing is permanent and the troubles I had day one are a distant reminder of the person He has shaped me to be.

Empty

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This morning I am burnt out. Wanting nothing more than to lie in bed with a great book to renew my spirit I survey my to do list. Pharmacy, grocery store, doctor’s office and a list of phone calls to be made. Rest for another day. Yesterday actually was the day of rest for  Moms (if they are so lucky). After a day of the rich spoils I am reminded of just why we celebrate Mothers in the first place. They do everything! To their own physical (and mental?) detriment.

I see now why when the days are rough I call Mom still to this day. The need for a Mothering love never erodes, only evolves. So to all the Mothers who paved the way of unconditional love in the years before me, Thank you! It is because of those women, like my Mother, that worked so feverishly to care for their brood that I received such recognition in the day to day and on Mother’s Day. Thank you Mom for showing  me the way.

The Heart of a Mother(‘s Day)

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One of the things I, conveniently, had forgotten about pregnancy was the dreadful insomnia. When My Sweets is sleeping I lay awake unable to sleep, when he is awake I can barely keep my eyes open. This too shall pass but I am just now remembering my previous pregnancy clearly. I have to say that a healthy baby is one of the greatest blessings I have received but it still brings back memories. Memories of sitting through NSTs galore and memorizing magazines on my OBs waiting room wall. I worried so much with baby number one. Do I feel the baby move as much today? Did I sleep on the wrong side last night? Did that have caffeine in it? So much worry.
After it all was said and done I remember taking in my little wrinkly peaches leg folds and yawn creases. I remember the huge relief that this baby was so healthy and here. He was and still is my baby that God has gifted me, entrusted to me. To raise and protect until the end of my days. It is these thoughts that probably have contributed to my insomnia this go around. Not thoughts of worry this time but enormous thoughts of gratitude.
This week has been exhausting and still I lay awake sometimes staring at him. Thanking God for giving me the opportunity of such a great love. Thanking God for loving me that much.

How I Love It

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The weekends when he is home are heaven. Usually they involve a break for Mommy and a long bath. Those little moments stolen away alone to just be…without noise. The moments flowing with kind words of encouragement from my spouse who finally is allowed a day to slow down.
It is in these quiet moments that I find peace in the imperfection of life.
Just as the great Creator accepts us, wholly and in light of our past sins, marriage is built. Someone to accept you and your love. Imperfect and beautiful in all its intention. Someone to pick up your spirits in the light of a utterly boring or depressing week. Grateful to my imperfectly perfect Husband for his love and kindness. When others fail to encourage a partner that is there in love. And I am grateful to God for the gentle reminder of who I should be in this union in return.
Wishing you a love filled weekend break that will encourage and recharge you as well.

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Day In, Day Out

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To put it frankly the life of a Military stay at home mother and wife can be very bland many days. We haven’t a great deal of close relations around us or life long friends nearby. We don’t have a history with most places we live. So on days when things go a little south it is easy to become inverted. Today is one of those days.
I was blessed enough to have the foresight to marry a man that understood “in sickness and in health” would occasionally mean bringing home supper for his ailed wife. That was the highlight of my day. I composed myself enough to shower and dress without my makeup or hair done, something I vowed I’d never do just because I had children. However, today sank me. I laid on the couch and listened to soothing music most of the day while sipping Ginger ale and eating rice cakes. If it weren’t for this wicked sore throat today would have been the epitome of relaxation.
Being so far from family I was on my own with my little teething monster today. In between gagging sessions and coughing fits I managed to laugh at his goofy grin. Not to mention the way he manages to fit a whole building block in his mouth before producing such a grin.
It is funny when you see things around you clearly, the bad days don’t seem bad.
Hubby came home to help tonight-check. We have a roof over our heads and food to eat- check. Our health- well I’ll say check just the same. God is good. All the time.