It has been 13 months that started with a beautiful baby struggling to nurse in the NICU. My Sweets was born with an elevated white blood count and was kept seven long days in the hospital. He thrived on antibiotics and the feedings of newborn formula. I thought my great plans of nursing would never take form due to our rocky start. Once my milk arrived we bonded and he never again wanted anything but Mama milk. Read about our start here.

The nursing relationship is so hard to explain to someone who has never been a part of it. The sweet quiet and hour long cuddling as my body actually creates food for my child. Even now on the occasional chance that he needs comfort to drift to sleep I savor the moments. Never were they easy. Nursing is hard and time consuming but we made it to our goal!

I haven’t feed him from me once today and believe this marks the end of this special amazing relationship we have had. It will evolve into something else but this beginning, this time together has been one of the most defining of my life.

So many things I learned of myself while feeding my son. That I didn’t need that much sleep to survive, that my patience could be ten fold when he needs me…that I would one day cry at this little bit of letting go.

1. It is about quality and quantity. Many hours passed when he just would not let go and needed comfort. Teething hours, sick hours or new home hours and that was fine because I will never get them back. Savor the time, even on the days it becomes unending. It does eventually end.

2. Babies become adults. I like to think the sweet times between Mother and son or Mother and daughter in the beginning will wholly impact their ability to recognize sweet moments in the future. The days my little one nursed away while pressing in my neck freckles and laughing may have tilted his heart toward showing greater love to others.

3. Showing makes more loved. The giggles and laughter of catching his hand as he reached for my nose or the quick end to sobs reminded me of a Mother’s position. Just as God does for us we are to love before being loved. We are to set the standard for all things in that regard. Make it a good lesson.

4. There are only so many babies. We never know how many children we will be blessed with enjoy the ones you have now. Be an in the moment Mom or Dad.

5. Not all lessons in life are pain free. The good Lord knew what he was doing as He created each and every relationship and as I let go a little bit He is gently reminding me of how fleeting life is, how quickly it all goes. Daddy’s deployment day is approaching, the new baby will be arriving and a new season comes. Nothing is permanent and the troubles I had day one are a distant reminder of the person He has shaped me to be.