It was late, they were tired and they didn’t get what they wanted so off into crazy town they went.
Crying and flaying about out of frustration and exhaustion.
The young Mom I used to be would have been livid and punished. Took away. But I’ve been through this more times than I can remember so I was steadfast. I told them the answer to their constant, insistent demands and I just saw them through. Reminding them that this wasn’t acceptable and that they were still going to bed. After a few minutes of a back rub they were out in dream land.
The younger me might have thrown a fit with them. Gotten frustrated and felt overwhelmed but I now know that when these big emotions over whelm their little bodies they can’t hear reason. They can’t hear much. No I don’t let my kids act like monsters but I guide them through these emotions and each time it’s less. As they grow. All they can hear in this moment is love. All they really need is love. For me to hear them. Tell them the truth and help them feel safe. So that’s what I do. They are becoming more and more infrequent as my kids are older now. I only have one really little. And I’m surprised to say I will miss it. The littleness of their hearts and understanding.
It was about the seventh back circle I comforted on my child’s back I made the connection.
I just want what I want God.
I’m going to sit here in this emotion until I get there.
If I could just move on from this desire I could enjoy the night. Fall asleep, watch the stars…dream.
But I’m here with my eyes fixed on what my heart has decided is what I NEED.
God is gently telling me no, rubbing my back.
What I see is the absolute worst feeling in my desire is the greatest love I’ve ever been afforded.
It’s not as bad as my tears and worry and anger have made it out to be.
This no while I weap into my Father’s lap is his protection. His maturity. His knowledge.
I’m new to this walk. Ten years. Young in my faith and understanding in comparison to many. Heart full of emotions I don’t understand many days. But I know God hears my prayers. And I understand a no doesn’t mean he isn’t there. Listening and loving.
So go ahead child of God…weap into your Father’s lap.
As always friends be blessed and be a blessing.